Friday, January 28, 2011

It costs less when we have it in the store

I've been waiting for a while for this day to arrive. Today was the day everything at the local Shopper's was being marked down 50%. No, it's not some crazy sale. Well it is, but it signals the end. Shopper's is closing this particular store in the next few weeks, having been outclassed by two nearby supermarkets.
Upon reflection, it's really no surprise. In the 5 1/2 years I've been living and shopping in this area, despite some good prices, this store has never failed to frustrate me. Or maybe I should say amuse me with the staff's incompetence. Not the cashiers -- they were friendly and generally capable. The same cannot be said for management.
And today was no exception.
It brought to mind the following old-world joke:
"How much for a dozen eggs?" a customer in a grocery store asks.
"Eggs are 35 cents for a dozen," the grocer says.
"Thirty five cents a dozen? The grocer across the street is selling them for 25 cents a dozen," the customer says.
"So buy them across the street," the grocer says.
"It just so happens that the grocer across the street is all out today," the customer says.
"Well," the grocer says, "when I'm all out of eggs, I also charge 25 cents a dozen."
There was a sign posted in the dairy section of Shopper's that read, "All dairy 50% off, except eggs (those darn eggs again...) and milk."
Hold the phone... Since when are eggs dairy products? Only at Shopper's, I guess ...
Then there's the question of what is milk? Does that mean liquid milk or all milk products? Maybe it's my upbringing in a kosher home, but to me, milk is all milk products. A little clarification, please.
So I ask a manager. "Does milk just refer to the liquid?"
"Yes, it does" he says, adding, "You know it's not discounted and neither are eggs."
Yes, I understand that. Then he offers another piece of information, no doubt for good measure.
Here's what he said: "Oh. By the way, we don't have any milk or eggs in the store, so you can't buy them anyway."
So apparently there's no need to concern myself with the discount.
No wonder they're closing ...

Monday, January 17, 2011

On the count of three, don't smile

I love Philadelphia. It has culture, shopping, history, FOOD, and much, much more. And it's easily accessible from DC and New York by train or car. All of which make it a great meeting place in which to connect with my folks. And that's just what Gary and I are doing on Presidents' Day weekend.
We went to Philly last year after getting a GREAT deal from a hotel called the Palomar. The staff was great; the location was great, the room was wonderfully comfortable. Just a delight from start to finish. So we're gonna stay there again. Only thing is, that awesome deal isn't available anymore. So I looked and looked on the website and came up with a federal government/military travelers room rate that comes with breakfast. Works for me! Since Gary is a federal employee, we grabbed that rate -- twice.
Of course, you can't just take the government rate without being expected to show proof that you really work for/with the government. Again, no problem. Gary will bring his ID card with him.
That got me thinking...
Does it actually say "US Government" on the ID card? If so, where? So I looked at Gary's ID this morning. Sure enough, wedged into the farthest corner of the card there's teeny tiny print that says "US Government." Now I can't look at the ID without looking at the photo. Oy. It doesn't do my handsome guy justice.
So I said to him, "You could have at least smiled in the picture, no?"
And he says, "Nope. We're not allowed to smile. We told specifically not to smile!"
I've heard of some crazy rules, but "We're not allowed to smile?" Seriously? Good thing I was sitting down when he told me that!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Mmmm what?! A "bissel" pronunciation makes all the difference

Another day recuperating at home today, but I'm feeling better and better so today I was able to exercise.
My workout of choice is walking in place while watching TV. Make that while watching, as Gary refers to it, "violent TV." I admit it, I enjoy some TV violence every now and then -- fictional, for example of the Law & Order variety, of course.
Today I was watching "Supernatural" while walking. It was exceptionally graphically violent -- more so than I could take, so I started reading a magazine.
While reading and walking with the TV on for "white noise" , an ad came on for some women's hair care product. Shampoo? Conditioner perhaps? I wasn't really paying attention. And then I hear, "Blah blah blah, with essence of kasha."
With essence of what?! The Jewish mixture of buckwheat groats and noodles? All right, technically that's kasha varnishkes but suddenly I'm thinking of Jewish comfort food.... This can't be right.
Nope. It wasn't right.What a difference proper pronunciation makes!
The hair care product, whatever it is, has essence (whatever that means) of cassia in it. Cassia, properly pronounced cash-uh or cass-ee-uh, is a plant that is closely related to cinnamon. Ironically, cinnamon is said to be an appetite suppressant.
Let's see Jewish comfort food or an appetite suppressant?

Sunday, January 9, 2011

There's nothing fun about being sick ... or is there?

I'm so stoked. I'm finally vertical again. This morning I got out of bed to do more than just answer the call of nature, refill my tea cup or hunt for more tissues.
As is the case with most winters, this season there's "something going around" in the Washington, DC area. I managed to dodge a bullet last year; this time I couldn't get out of its way fast enough.
Since last Wednesday (January 5th) I've been nursing this miserable head cold at home. I felt like a caged animal -- intellectually ready to go out and do things, but physically unable to. I'm sure I'll have more understanding when I visit the zoo from now on ....
Being sick sucks ... for the most part.
On the upside, I got to lounge in bed all day yesterday, while Gary "waited" on me. But considering my general state of being -- with special emphasis on how each time I coughed I thought my head was going to explode -- I gladly would have traded in the personal butler service for sharp, clear vision; acute hearing and an overall feeling of alertness.
And since I'm so stuffed up, I've more or less lost my sense of smell and taste. Note to self: Eating is far less interesting when you can't smell or taste anything.
Fortunately, I haven't lost my sense of humor.
I was thinking about how to describe this weekend in the event that someone asked "How was your weekend?" and it occurred to me that it's been 48 hours of non-stop drinking (tea, water, juice, soup ...) and drugs (aspirin, Mucinex, Dayquil ...)!
Who says being sick can't be a party? Rock on!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The answer is 42 regardless of the question

I have a habit of prefacing questions with the statement, "I have a question." Whenever I would say that to a pal of mine, regardless of the question, he'd say, 'The answer is 42." 
I hope he's right. I'm going to put his theory to the test...
This year I turn 42 ... I think. Yeah, that sounds right. I never was very good at math. That's why it's easier for me to say "I'm turning 29 again" and let my fans figure out how old I really am. 
So I'm turning 29 again and here I am, taking a stab at writing a blog... again. 
Will I post more than four entries like I did in all of last year?  Will I muse and amuse as the title of my blog says I will?
Right now the only answer I can give is ... 42.