Retail Therapy

Is it just me or has the fun been sucked out of retail shopping?

I don’t know what it’s like elsewhere, but trying to communicate in English with staff in retail shopping venues in Northern Virginia is an exercise in futility.

Don’t get me wrong. I support and indeed, encourage, English and non-English speakers alike to get legitimate jobs. What’s more, I admire the immigrant population, because, to support their families here and abroad, many of them will work in seemingly “menial” jobs (use your imagination) that we native born Americans wouldn't deign to take. Shame on us, eh?

However, as a consumer, I have a much better experience – and probably spend more money – when I can understand what’s being said and know that my comments are understood.

Today, at the grocery store I failed miserably at getting my question (“Are these chicken thighs boneless?”) answered. Maybe it was my fault though. I guess my expectation that the staff at the Salvadoran market would speak the King’s English was a bit high….

Muslos de pollo deshuesados!

Actually what I asked several times was, “Como se dice en español, ‘boneless’?” in an effort to get to my second question. In other words, in Spanish I asked, “How do you say ‘boneless’ in Spanish?” It was a lost cause. I asked three times and got three different answers complete with hand gestures that I can only hope weren't insulting…

Defaulting to Italian didn't help, because I don’t know the Italian word for “boneless.”

So I didn't buy chicken thighs. But I bought other items and for the second time in three days, was overcharged. 

It seems today’s check out clerk is incapable of simultaneously answering questions and ringing up merchandise. I’m at a loss for why. After all, they’re just passing a bar code over a computer scanner.

That said, I've learned to check my receipt, since some places give you an item for free if it rings up incorrectly. At minimum, I’d think, they’ll make some concession if you’re overcharged.

Not. So. Much.

This smiling lady? NOT me. 

On Friday, I went to World Market where I bought two jars of hummus marked “Two for $5.” When I looked at the receipt and saw that I’d been charged $3.29 for each, I asked why and what the store policy was with respect to the overcharge. 

The checkout clerk – who spoke fluent English – looked at me blankly as if I’d asked her to explain quantum physics. When I asked if I got the product for free, she gave me a look that intimated, “Are you nuts, Lady?” and said something akin to “No way.”

That was all it took to unleash my inner witchy woman.

I opened a can of bi*** on her, demanding a manager “pronto” and she actually fled the register. Lemme tell you, it was no picnic having to deal with the manager to get things straightened out either.

Some people go shopping for therapy. My version of retail therapy was the meditation I did afterwards.

Maybe next time I should try some deep breathing before going into the store….

Written for BFF Inspiration #135. Theme: Witchy Woman

Dictation and Desecration

It wasn't on purpose. Really, it wasn't.

About ten years ago I desecrated a cemetery. What the %&$@*?

At St. Peter’s Cemetery in Troy, NY a woman named Kate Mullany is buried in her family’s plot. Mullany (1845-1906) was an early labor leader; she started the all-women’s “Collar Laundry Union” in Troy in 1864. Her “bona fides” include leading 300 female co-workers from the area’s commercial laundries in a six-day strike to cast attention on the need for greater safety on the job and better wages.

In 2000, Mullany – a local heroine – was inducted into the National Women's Hall of Fame in Seneca Falls, NY.

In 2001, there was some sort of ceremony at her grave. Ten years later, I have no idea what was being celebrated/recognized/commemorated. All I know is that as a staff member of the local daily newspaper, I was there on assignment on a cold, damp Saturday afternoon.

There were a number of local officials there too, giving speeches. Dignitaries do that, don’t they? And as they tend to do, they spoke at some length.

As I tend to do, when people speak at length, I settled in for the long haul. In a cemetery, getting comfortable meant leaning against a headstone.

Really. Bad. Idea.

I was engrossed in taking notes as VIP after VIP talked about how wonderful the event (whatever it was) was and how happy and proud they were to be there. In my state of concentration, I was blissfully unaware that the marker I was leaning against wasn't designed to prop up a full-sized adult.

Damn you physics and gravity!

One minute I’m copying a quote and the next, I’m on my tush on the ground. Well, technically, on top of the gravestone that’s given way underneath me and fallen backwards to the ground.

To the best of my recollection – I've tried hard, however unsuccessfully, to forget that incident – I hurriedly got up and made a feeble attempt to stand the stone back up again, before beating a hasty retreat out of there.

I wasn't in a haunted cemetery, but that day in the cemetery will “haunt” me for a long time to come, I fear.

Happy Halloween!

 Written for BFF Inspiration #134. Theme: Haunted Cemetery

Anger Management

Hello ladies (and gentlemen…)!

So, our blog hop assignment from Jenn Duffy-Pearson this week is to write about a favorite movie. 

As you wish, Jenn….

If, like me, you’re a die-hard fan, you already know what one of my favorite films of all time is. For those of you who are not as passionate as I am, (Don’t tell me, please. It’ll break my heart…) the film of which I speak is the much acclaimed, “The Princess Bride.” It has been called a “cult classic” and make no mistake, that term is dead on. The movie, released approximately 25 years ago, has its own website and a Facebook page with more than 1.75 million followers.

No joke. Check it out at: http://www.facebook.com/theprincessbride.

Here’s a really fun fact: The cast loves it, too. In an interview earlier this month with Good Morning America, Billy Crystal, aka “Miracle Max” called it, “A great screenplay. It was the perfect cast [and] the perfect movie for us.  For me, I’m so proud to be in it….”

And from Chris Sarandon, (“Evil Prince Humperdinck”): “It’s eternal. It’s multigenerational.”

I couldn't have said it better.

I’m embarrassed, therefore, to say that I just discovered the Facebook page. Yes, I liked it the moment I saw it, because it’s the right thing to do. I mean, seriously, how can you not love this movie?

To begin with, there’s that cast I mentioned: In addition to Crystal and Sarandon, think Wallace Shawn, Mandy Patinkin, Andre the Giant, Carol Kane and Robin Wright. Need I say more?

Then there’s the cinematic brilliance. First, let’s talk set design. At the end of the movie when Westley and Buttercup kiss with the sun setting in the background…. Hello! Tissues, please!

And can we discuss the costumes? I think that Robin Wright in the wedding dress and tiara is about as beautiful as they come. What I wouldn't have given to look like that at my wedding…

And please don’t forget the mechanics and technical aspects of the film. Can't you just envision “The Machine”?

But what stands out the most for me (and seemingly for most other fans) is the dialogue. I wish I could say that I can recite the entire film word for word. Not quite, but I certainly know lots and lots of the lines.

Crazy thought it may sound, I sometimes default to the movie’s dialogue as an anger management tool. 

What?!

Consider this: There are certain lines in the movie that when said, or heard, make it absolutely impossible to be angry.

Perhaps the most successful line cum mantra for me is Fezzik’s “Hello Lady!” quote. This is the quote in its entirety:  “I saw the prince's stable, and there they were, four white horses. And I thought, ‘There are four of us, if we ever find the lady.’ Hello, lady!”

Unfortunately, the scene is not available on Youtube, but I found it here and it’s worth a gander.

http://www.killerclips.com/clip.php?id=90&qid=941 (Click on either prompt on the clip in the upper left corner to watch).

Am I right or am I right? Were you able to watch the clip and keep a straight face?

Written for The Writers’ Post weekly blog hop #19. Theme: Take Me to the Movies

Shake It Up...

If you ask me, I’ll say that I lead a fairly ordinary life. Don’t get me wrong. I’m very blessed, but no one’s going to make an action picture based on my life any time soon, if you know what I mean.

That said, every now and then I like to shake things up.

It was not my intent, however, to shake things up at lunch this past Friday.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not a bug lover. Being a gardener, I tolerate them, but life without them works just fine for me, too. Yeah, I know they’re part of the ecosystem and as such necessary, blah, blah, blah and all that. Even so, I just can’t get excited about them.

Unless....

Last Friday I had lunch at La Madeleine – a French-ish cafe with locations in DC, Texas, Louisiana, Maryland and Virginia. I rarely eat out, especially for lunch, but I was meeting a colleague who is leaving the agency where I work. It was a rainy, cold day that capped off a really stressful week, so lunch out felt “right.”

And it was. The fellowship was terrific; the food – potato soup and spinach salad with strawberries – was yummy; the restaurant was warm and cozy, complete with a roaring fire in the fireplace. Mmmmm!

It was all good ... until I got ready to leave.

In addition to my purse, I was carrying a shopping bag with a book and a few other things in it. One of the things in it, of which I was unaware, was a stink bug. Ick!

For some reason, as I approached the door to the restaurant, I opened my bag and saw the stink bug. I started shrieking and swatting at it like a crazy woman … just as a group of young professionals walked through the door into the restaurant.

All eyes were on me, as several staff members rushed over worriedly inquiring whether everything was okay.

“Yes, yes,” I said. “ I've got a bug in my bag. It’s no big deal.”

No big deal, for me, that is....

Reflecting on the situation a few days later, I realized the ramifications my actions might have on business. I’d guess that when it comes to projecting the image of their atmosphere or “ambiance” for prospective customers, the restaurant staff probably doesn't favor wild gesticulations and loud discussion about bugs in bags…. 

Written for The Writers’ Post weekly blog hop #18. Theme: Atmosphere

It Speaks for Itself...

For Wordless (sort of...) Wednesday